So, last night at a Bonfire - a Bowie album came up, and I was questioned about the release year. I was confident, but WRONG....WTF.

WHY would an album that was released in 1980 be REPRINTED in 1985?

Is it possible to DECREASE in age as time passes? A few days ago I compared the 2006 Perry with today's model, and my wants / beliefs, the general way I acted was definitely older than now. I'm on Summer break from school, and it's just like when I was a kid. I'm sitting at home, eating freeze pops and playing old SNES and Sega games.

I'm not saying it's a BAD thing - because I really do not have anyone in my life to impress, and probably won't - but it's just something that strikes me as odd. Something I didn't really think about until recently.

We got a puppy a few days ago - random, and excellent decision.
ALSO: Saw Star Trek last Thursday night - and it was the best nerdfest of the year so far. Nothing will top it.

Due to a lack of funds - and a family that made no time to see me, I wasn't able to come to Buffalo.
I still want to very soon, but I just couldn't do it yesterday.

Day 100 of gloom it seems.

Who ever thought the best song I'd hear in my lifetime would be written in 2008?

Spellbinding magic.
Heading to Buffalo early tomorrow.

It's a relief to have that horrible introductory phase to be over with. I needed to post that publically, for all to view. 

This is pretty much how I feel today. This is how I've felt all week, almost. We are still on a gloom streak - with today being a lighter shade of gray than I've been used to as of late.

For reasons unknown I enjoy the colorless days lately. I get much more accomplished when it looks like the apocalypse can happen outside at any given time. I tend to go through books MUCH faster on these days, when it is sunny and beautiful outside, I wouldn't dare reach for a book.

Read more Lovecraft stories tonight - after I finish each short story, I like to do a Google image search of what I've read. Lovecraft only paints the mental picture so far, but it's SO creative, with a splash of insanity - that I need to see artwork of what I've read.

There obviously are multiple options to choose from, since everyone has a different idea of what it appeared as in the stories. This was probably my favorite, and seemed the most accurate to the details mentioned:




I'll end it there. I'm behind on comic reading as well, and I HATE being behind on that.

Driving to Buffalo in 2 days - will be nice.
Farewell.

Perry. 

I do not even know where to begin. 

I have spent my entire life living in the past. And not just childhood, but any given time in the past. I could easily be nostalgic for something that possibly happened six months previous. The constant stream of change in my life would contribute to this, almost entirely. I have never lived in the same house for over a year. Since high school, I haven't lived in the same STATE for more than 2 years. I went to 4 high schools, and lived in 3 states during what's suppose to be the "greatest time in your life". 

I cannot meet new people. It's extremely hard for me, because ever since I could remember - I've been extremely guarded. I'll meet new people for a little while, then I like to disappear. I solely judge people based on what they listen to. That is probably the biggest issue I have. Music can almost completely sum up a person - and if it's mediocore, or horrible taste normally I won't have respect for that person, and will not attempt at ALL to be on a friendly level with them. 

Which is probably why I have a hard time meeting girls. Everyone who is close to me knows my standards are impossibly high. I just figure 99% of girls are a dime a dozen, and when / if I meet the 1% that is amazing, heartbreak is almost inevitable. I have really only met two girls that I truly felt were the 1% of girls that I'd give anything for their company, and both times I immediately knew it was going to end in heartbreak. And surely enough, they did. The saddest part about it is, they do not even know the half of what I felt because I cannot express myself normally no matter how hard I try. And the strangest part of it all, is actually missing the heartbreak. It consumes you completely - and when it's gone, you don't know what to think / dream about. 

I'm shallow. I'm narcissistic. I'm afraid. 

I completely close myself off to new things - while inside I am dying for love, and change. 

I want someone to create wonderful new memories for me - putting the old ones to rest. 

I have a horrible tendency of disappearing. Throughout the years - I've disappeared almost dozens of times, and everyone I know can confirm this. From vanishing in the most simplist form of leaving a party without saying goodbyes, to leaving state and not returning without any sign of warning. I hate goodbyes, and hate closure. When I feel it's time to leave I do, and everything turns into a memory from that point on. The sad thing is, the people I want most close to me - I end up erasing from my life. 

Everyone that I am friends with now I will know forever. I try to only surround myself with the best of company, and will not leave them behind. They know exactly who I am. I'm extremely sarcastic, outspoken, and myself when I'm with them. When I'm outside of my comfort zone, which is almost always without certain people, I'm apathetic, shy, SOCIALLY AWKWARD, and almost a complete bore. 

I miss things that never existed. I am nostalgic for times I've never had. 

I just hope the right people read this, and understand. I'm making an attempt to fix, and change things that have been the same for too many years. I feel the need to fully explain myself, and publically apologize to people I've tried to permanently forget, without legit reason. 

For the first time, probably ever - I feel like this barrier needs to be dropped, and I need to let the world in - no matter how cruel, and ugly it may appear. I need to forget the possibility of heartbreak and disaster, and truly go for what I want in life. I'm not saying I'm going to be COMPLETELY open, but when someone asks me a personal question, I'm going to answer rather than ignore it entirely. 

And the next time a girl in the 1% percentile comes around - I will embrace it, rather than pretend like she never existed. 

I have been a gloom machine for the last 2 weeks. 

When I have more time to write, I am going to post a long drawn out entry of the horrible introduction that is Perry. 

I just hope everyone reads it, and understands.